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Saturday, September 29, 2012

My Story of Pre-Partum & Post-Partum Depression. You are NOT Alone!!

Depression is NO Joke, and You Are NOT Alone!!

Almost everyone has heard of or know someone who has suffered Postpartum depression. For those of you who don't know what it means : 
Postpartum Depression is when a woman feels moderate to extreme depression after she has given birth. It can occur right after the baby has been born or up to a year later. I personally believe it can happen after that 1 year mark as well, it depends on your personal situation.
Not many people know about Pre-Partum Depression, that's when you get some sort of depression while you are pregnant. Some cases can be mild and others can be full blown extreme depression. Alittle bit of worry while your pregnant is normal but if you start to slip into deep depression, the thoughts you have can be dangerous and the stress can be too much on the baby and cause problems. If you realize you or someone you know is going through depression while pregnant, talk to your doctor or your friend and get help. 

Here are the symptoms of Pre-Partum Depression

  • Feelings of guilt, anxiety or worthlessness
  • Fatigue or loss of energy
  • Impaired concentration
  • Changes to eating habits
  • Weight gain or weight loss
  • Difficulty sleeping or sleeping too much
  • Lack of interest in activities that you usually enjoy
  • Recurring thoughts of death or suicide

I had no idea there was a name for what I was going through. I also had no idea how common it was for a woman to "not want her baby" for a while when she was pregnant. Let me explain.

My boyfriend and I got together in October of 2004, I had just turned 17 and was still in my "Party Girl" teenage years. We were together for almost a year when I realized that I hadn't had my period in a few months! On my 18th birthday, I looked at my mama and told her I was proud of myself because I made it to my 18th birthday without having a baby or being pregnant! Everyone around me was having babies early and I always wanted a baby but never really thought about when I would have one. Come to find out, by the time I made it to the doctor, I was 4 months pregnant. That means that I was pregnant on my 18th birthday but didn't know it. My first pregnancy was wonderful! I didn't have morning sickness, I didn't blow up in size like people were telling me I would, I only got the basketball-belly. I did have to start going to the doctor twice a week due to my belly deciding to stop growing during my last couple months. I had to be hooked up to a NST machine and press a button everytime I felt my baby kick. Other than that, all was fine and dandy. The only problems I had were the fact that me and my aunt didn't get along for a few months while I was pregnant. Both of my aunts were also pregnant and sometimes it was hard to be around another pregnant woman. After I had my daughter in June, I realized it was tough being a mom. My boyfriend was working alot so it was normally just me and the baby. I'm not for certain, but I think I was starting to get some of the postpartum depression symptoms. My daughter wasn't even 4 months old yet and I realized that I was once again, pregnant! Already stressed about my first baby, I was horrified! I cried and cried! I went to the doctor and they confirmed it. I was 3 months pregnant. Finding out that I was about to have another baby was not what I wanted to hear. My daughter was very young and so was I. It didn't make me feel any better to know that we were barley able to afford living as it was. A few weeks after I got the confirmation from the doctors that I was, indeed, pregnant again, I quietly broke down. I didn't want another baby. My boyfriend already had 2 sons, other than our daughter and we was getting his youngest boy every other weekend. It was very hard for me to handle both my daughter, Loran, and his son, MJ, both at the same time, by myself! Like I said, my boyfriend was working all the time and it was 2nd shift from 4pm until 2am or 3am so when he was home, he was sleeping. I got to the point where I would would do nothing but get out of bed - take care of my baby's needs, and stay on the couch. I didn't want to move, I didn't want to eat, I couldn't sleep. I would stay up at night until Alan would get home and then hang out with him and our best-friend until they would wind down from a night at work and then I would try and get some sleep. Most of the time I would lay in bed wide awake until I got frustrated and would get up and find something to do. (I'll admit that normally it was video games... Fable on XBox is wonderful) I sat there, in my house, day after day wondering how I was going to take care of this new baby? Could I love it like I loved my daughter? Would I be able to care for 2 kids at my age? Would we have the money to care for 2 kids, not just kids... 2 babies? My due-date for my 2nd child was set for the month before, Loran's birthday! I wasn't even sure if my babies were going to be a year apart or not. My neighbor's son and his wife had been trying to have a baby for years. They had one son but it was her son from another marriage so they wanted a child together. They had tried everything but they couldn't get pregnant. I was so terribly close to giving them my baby. I wouldn't of actually just handed my child over, but I was thinking about letting them adopt.

One of ultra-sound pictures from the day I found out I was having a another baby girl

Once I found out I was having another daughter, it made me feel a tiny bit better. I was worried that if I was to keep this baby, I wanted it to be a girl. I never had the want for a son. Don't get me wrong, I love boys! I have 3 little brothers and 2 step-sons and love them all dearly. I just don't know how I would handle the differences between the 2. I have wanted a baby girl for aslong as I can remember and I always told myself and everyone around me that I did not want a boy. Of course, if I would of had a boy, knowing that I can't choose what sex I want my child to be, I would of loved him just the same. But knowing that I was having a girl made me feel a bit better, but not completely. I still wasn't sure if I wanted the baby that was growing inside me. My boyfriend was pretty supportive, he wasn't happy that I didn't want the baby but he understood why. Noone really knew exactly how bad I was suffering. I was going through this pregnancy alone. With my first daughter, both of my 2 closest aunts were also pregnant with girls, we were only a few months apart. Everything I went through, it wasn't long that my aunts were going through the same thing, all with our first babies! Loran was born in June, Alexandra was born in July and Jane came in September. All right after one another. Noone was pregnant with me this time. Both my aunts were getting use to being new mommies while I was breaking down inside. I wouldn't tell anyone how I felt due to people thinking bad of me. How could I explain to my family that I was spiraling out of control and I felt like it was the baby's fault?! I felt horrible for feeling the way I was feeling. I wanted to love my baby. I didn't want to feel nasty thoughts about her. I couldn't even tell my mama, I was afraid to tell the doctor even though I'm pretty sure that I should of said something because I had a mix of Post-Partum from my first baby and the Pre-Partum with my 2nd. Once I started feeling my daughter move around in my belly, I slowly started loving her more and more. I knew she was coming and she was mine. The closer I got to her due date, the more I wanted her. By the 6th month of pregnancy, I had to do the NST visits twice a week again. It was the same ordeal, my belly wasn't growing like the doctors wanted it to, but my babies were always healthy. I don't remember how many times my doctor asked me of I was suffering from any type of depression but I was never alone with my visits and didn't wanna say anything and for my family to not understand. By the time Jade was born, at the end of May, I loved that little blonde baby girl more than ever! I was now 19 and extremely glad I didn't make the decision to give her up. If I would of put hope in that couple's mind's, that they were about to get a baby of their own, I would of had to of broken their hearts and kept her. Jade was mine and I wasn't giving her up. I loved her just as much as I did Loran. After we got home and I was a new mother of 2 babies, life was hard. I had 2 daughters that were under a year apart. Both in diapers, both with bottles, both in cribs. My oldest, Loran, would cry everytime her baby sister would cry! It was so pitiful and cute all at the same time. It was also very stressful! I wouldn't only have one screaming baby... I had 2. I would have to feed one while making the other happy. I was stressed and since we had a new baby, Alan got a new job and worked even more. I've always been the type of girl that if I had a problem, I dealt with it. I didn't like going to the doctor and complaining so they could give me something to make me feel better. (That's how asking the dr for help, felt like for me) So once again, I started getting symptoms of Post-Partum depression again. I kinda knew I was going through Post-Partum but I kept quite and worked myself through it as best as I could. I took care of my babies and rarely ever felt so bad that I couldn't or didn't want to go on with my day. On the bad days that did pop up, their father took over very well. He helped me out the most he could with him working all the time but even he didn't know it was depression that was making me feel that way. I believe he just thought I was not happy with him and my life and I'm very sorry that I didn't let him know what was going on at that point. My daughters are now 5 and 6 and I love them dearly. Yes I still deal with bad days where I am very moody and nothing seems right. I have lots of days where I think that this is not how my life is suppose to be. I never thought I would be almost 25 years old with 2 kids in school. My main thought is that the only dream that has came true for me is that I would have a child. I wanted to travel and now that seems impossible to me but I always remind myself that it's okay for now. Things will get easier as the kids grow and I remember how hard it was when my girls were smaller. My depression is getting alot better as days go by and someday I may decide that it's to hard for me to take and I'll goto the doctor and see what they say, but for now I'm doing great. My life is good and I'm happy. I love my daughter's with all my heart and I wouldn't trade them in for anything in the world! <3
Anyone who had dealt with this, has their own story about how they went through or is currently going through Post-Partum or Pre-Partum Depression. If you believe your going through any of this, know that YOUR NOT ALONE! Here is another story about a woman who is pregnant and is going through the Pre-Partum Blues. (The Blues is when it's a mild case and hasn't made it to the not eating, sleeping and full blown depression) She is having a real hard time coping. The video is from Ricki Lake's new show on the ABC channel called The Ricki Lake Show.
Watch Below

I hope my story helps someone. Even if it's just one woman who reading this and realizes she may be suffering through either Pre-Partum or Post-Partum Depression and decided to get help, I will be happy. Extreme depression can be harmful to you and your unborn child. It can also cause your relationships with people around you decline. If you need help, don't be afraid to ask for it. The help you need is just one question away. Please share this post so we can spread the work on Pre-Partum Depression, almost 70 percent of pregnant women today feel some sort of depression during pregnancy ~12 percent suffer from extreme depression! And even fewer realize it and get the help they need.

Post written by Autumn B

References - Other than Me:

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

All you need to know about Tinkerbell - From her beginning in 1904 to her continuing success in 2012

..:: All About The Lovely Tinkerbell ::..
(Properly spelled Tinker Bell, normally misspelled as Tinkerbell. I will be using both spellings in this post.)

Fan Artwork I found by Gali Miau

Everyone knows who Tinkerbell is! Either you grew up with the tiny faerie who runs with Peter Pan and dislikes 'The Terrible Wendy Bird' aka Wendy Darling, the human girl that Peter Pan starts crushing on; Or you grew up with the adventure seeking pixie faerie who leads her group of friends on exciting  travels and normally ends up in some sort of trouble. Anyone who is over the age of 1 has seen this adorable blonde faerie somewhere.
Her picture is EVERYWHERE, in stores, on TV, in the beginning of almost every Disney movie, clothes, blankets, I can go on and on and on! The obsession is crazy, but I have to admit that I have a tiny obsession myself. I've always LOVED any and all faeries so Tinkerbell is no different. About a week ago I started thinking about how much I really knew about Tink.... So I did some research and actually learned alot! I decided to share what I learned.
Other than her movie adventures, do you really know who Tinkerbell is? Here's a little bit of information that you may or may not of known about Tinkerbell, her Life and her growing History.
 Tinkerbell first appeared on our TV screens in 1904 as Peter Pan's trusty faerie side-kick. J.M. Barrie had no idea when he wrote the playwright 'Peter Pan' that this fictional character he created as a faerie named Tinker Bell was going to be so popular... Even more popular than Peter Pan himself. I'm sure he never dreamed that she would live on to have her own adventures through out Neverland with her own movie series. Tinker Bell has become the unofficial mascot of The Walt Disney Company and flies across the screen in the beginning of almost every Disney movie these days!

Tinkerbell, also known by her nickname Tink, has been in lots of movies throughout the years including 'Peter Pan',  'Peter and Wendy', 'Peter Pan in Scarlet', 'The Black Cauldron', 'Caption Hook' and of course, her recent movies including 'Tinkerbell', 'Tinkerbell and The Lost Treasure', 'Tinkerbell and The Great Fairy Rescue' and the new movie that came out on October 23, 2012 called 'Tinkerbell and The Secret Of The Wings'.
 Periwinkle and Tinker Bell were born of the same laugh in the new movie 'Tinkerbell and The Secret of the Wings'
Tink is a Tinker Faerie, which means that she fixes things. Such as pots, kettles, baskets and anything that's broken and needs alittle fixin! Tinker Faeries use to just make and fix things using the stuff they could find in nature, but once Tink came along, she slowly changed things for the better. Now along with their natural tools, Tinker Faeries use "Lost Things" aka Things washed up on the beaches of Neverland... Once owned by humans before they lost them. The "Lost Things" are a big help with getting things done in Neverland alot faster than before. All thanks to Tinkerbell!
Clank and Tinkerbell with their leaf baskets

To humans, Tink's voice sounds like a tiny bell, ringing with every word she speaks. To talk to humans she draws pictures and acts things out with to let them know what she is trying to say. Kind of like the game of charades. Tinkerbell gets captured in 'The Great Fairy Rescue' movie and becomes really close friends with a little girl named Lizzie.
Tink drawing in 'Tinker Bell and the Great Fairy Rescue'

I completely overlooked this... Did you realize that the Original Tinker Bell carried a sparkly wand and the new Tinker Bell gets pixie dust sprinkled over her head every day and every now and then carries a leaf bag of pixie dust!? She no longer carries her trusty wand with the star on top! I wonder if she lost it somewhere...

Here are a few pictures I found of Tinkerbell, that her fantastic fans drew of her! (most found at and through a Google Search)

This cute little baby Tinkerbell is so adorable! I love it!!
"Child Tinkerbell" created by
"Peter Pan - What da ya Think Tinkerbell?" created by Manny Hernandez

Tinkerbell Concept Art by ~simplykatelyn on deviantART
Tinkerbell by Tim Rogerson

I will be updating this post as I gather more sparkly facts and photos of and about everyone's favorite faerie...... Tinkerbell!

*Blog Written By ~ Autumn B*
..::I'm a stay at home mom who loves DIY Projects, finding freebies, and playing with my gurlies. I have a secret obsession with anything History, that not many people know about. I try and stay out of politics along with anything causing trouble but sometimes, randomly, find myself in the middle of some stupid argument::..

*Comment all you like and Please Share if you enjoyed what you read*

Fact and Photo References:

Monday, September 24, 2012

Words and Photos that show who Marilyn Monroe really was!

-This post may contain affiliate links-

🌟💋 Marilyn Monroe ðŸ’‹ðŸŒŸ

Marilyn Monroe, James Dean, Elvis Presley, Humphrey Bogart
Poster print of above photo plus more - Avilable for purchase.

Who Marilyn Monroe Really Was & Still Remains Today, in the hearts of many!

A Star
Photograph of Norma Jean in 1946
Norma Jean ~ 1946

In 1945-1946, many photographers were taking Pin-Up photographs of Norma Jean, normally showing off her hourglass figure in 2-piece bathing suits. Years before the Marilyn Monroe persona was "born", Norma Jean was a Modeling Star, she had no idea how big she would end up.

Classy Marilyn Monroe Photograph

Even though Marilyn Monroe is best known as a "Sex Symbol"to, She always carried herself in a very respectful way. Always dressed to impress and very classy.

Photograph of Marilyn Monroe - Taken in 1953 by Alfred Eisenstaedt
Photo taken in 1953 by Alfred Eisenstaedt

Marilyn was always in the spotlight but even to this day, noone really knows everything about her life. She kept to herself, every chance she got.

Photo taken in 1953 by Alfred Eisenstaedt
Marilyn Monroe reading at home

Everyone in the show business make Monroe out to be a "dumb blonde". No matter how much Marilyn begged and asked for parts that wasn't a showgirl or some dolled-up sex symbol, they refused. Marilyn was NO dumb blonde. She loved to read and was actually very smart.

Marilyn Monroe Tiles

It didn't matter what was going on in Marilyn's personal life, she always made sure she was camera ready at all times. She was gorgeous! Every man wanted her and Every woman wanted to be her. With or without make-up Marilyn Monroe was simply breathtaking!

Photo from "How To Marry A Millionaire"

Nothing or noone could stop Marilyn from being a Star! It was her dream, her mind was set. She would make her way to stardom with or without the help of the people around her.


Marilyn Monroe and Jane Russell became friends on the set of 'Gentlemen Prefer Blondes'. Jane Russell described Marilyn as ~ "very shy and very sweet and far more intelligent than people gave her credit for". She also noticed that most of the times where Marilyn was late on set, it was because she was in her dressing room suffering from stage fright. Soon after noticing that, Jane started escorting Marilyn to the set.



Many years after Marilyn's death, her diary entries, along with many poems and letters that she left to her acting coach, Lee Stransberg, were published in October of 2010 in a book called 'Fragments'. They reveal that Marilyn was insecure and a bit suicidal.
"Why do I feel this torture," Monroe wrote in a 1955 diary entry, excerpted by the French news magazine Le Nouvel Observateur. "Or why is that I feel less human than the others (always felt in a certain way than I am sub-human, why in other words, I am the worst, why?)"

Death of Marilyn Monroe

Her part from us was nothing less than a tragic loss.
Marilyn Monroe was found dead in her bedroom of her Brentwood home by her psychiatrist Ralph Greenson after Marilyn's housekeeper, Eunice Murrary, called him, on August 5, 1962. Marilyn was 36 when she died.

🌟 The Beautiful Marilyn Monroe 🌟

•~ From Birth to Death ~•

🌜☪💃Blog Written By ~ Autumn Banks 💃☪🌛
..::I'm a stay at home mom who loves DIY Projects, finding freebies, and playing with my gurlies. I have a secret obsession with anything History, that not many people know about. I try and stay out of politics along with anything causing trouble but sometimes, randomly, find myself in the middle of some stupid argument::..

*Comment all you like and Please Share if you enjoyed what you read*


Win a Case of Earth's Best Organic Fruit Yogurt Smoothies!

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Thursday, September 20, 2012

Cute Feet-Print Butterflies for Wall Art & Inside Family Fun!

Okay! I just want to let everyone know that Pinterest is wonderful! I have found so many really cool ideas on there! About a month ago I found this cute little feet-butterfly art work. It was cute as a button so I had to save it. Yesterday I decided to do something crafty with my girls and figured they would love getting their feet painted! They had a blast! The finished art would be a wonderful gift for grandparents if the prints are done on a canvas. I would do the prints on paper first so you know how big your child's feet are so you don't buy a canvas that is too small. This was our Round 1. Round 2 will be after I buy some canvas that are 8x8 squared like I probably would of bought!
Here is how our Mommy - Daughter time went... along with the original picture I found on Pinterest!

 The Original Photo that I found on Pinterest. I did not click on the picture to follow it to the link the photo came from so I can't tell you what site it's from :0( Sorry

My girls and their Feet Print Butterflies!!!

 I didn't realize how much my girls had grown until I looked at these butterflies! Their feet are almost the same size!
By the way - You can use any type of paint, we used Finger Paint, with a paint-brush!

My 5 yr old's painted foot!
She said it tickled when I painted her toes and middle of foot!
 My 6 yr old's painted foot.
Rainbow Colors!!!!

My youngest decided that she wanted to paint her sister's toes!!

I wasn't able to get pictures of my girls stamping their feet on the paper because I was keeping their feet still but you have to put the left foot on the right side and the right foot on the left side and leave a tiny space in between for the butterfly body. After they dry, draw the body in-between the feet prints. Add some twirls for antenna's along with a finger print on the end and YOUR DONE!!

Here are my daughters' finished products!

I hope you like our walk through of making Feet Print Butterflies!! We had alot of fun and laughs with this project and I hope you are your kids have alot of fun also!! I've been trying to get the Pinterest button in my blog but haven't been able to get it working yet but if you like what you see and read then please share with your friends!! :0) Have a wonderful night and tomorrow!!

*Blog Written By ~ Autumn Banks*
..::I'm a stay at home mom who loves DIY projects, finding freebies and playing with my gurlie gurls. I have a secret obsession with anything history that not many people know about. I try to stay out of politics along with anything causing trouble but sometimes, randomly, find myself in the middle of some stupid argument::..

*Comment all you like and please share if you enjoyed what you read.*

Monday, September 17, 2012

Was "Sex Parties" used by the Mafia to try and destroy The Kennedy Brothers? Did Sinatra know about the set up?

The So Called "Sex Parties"

Has everyone heard about the so called "Sex Parties" that were said to been going on between The Kennedy Brothers (John, Robert and Edward), Marilyn Monroe, Peter Lawford and his wife; Patricia Kennedy (a Kennedy sister and Marilyn Monroe's best-friend), Frank Sinatra and The Rat Pack, along with many others I'm sure.?

Anyone who is a Marilyn Monroe fan knows about her affairs with John and Robert/Bobby Kennedy along with Frank Sinatra. Marilyn dreamed of being both JFK and Frank Sinatra's wife during their separate affairs. But I don't know so much about sex parties!

Marilyn Monroe talks to Frank Sinatra at Cal Neva Lodge in Crystal Bay, Nevada, in the Sixties.

Rumor has it that those "parties" were held in JFK's suite at Carlyle Hotel in Manhattan aka "JFK's New York White House". According to a FBI report that got released in June 2010, the Mafia called for the "Sex Parties". They wanted girls, chosen by Franck Sinatra and his associates, to be "placed in compromising situations" with the Kennedy brothers. A Mafia informant told the FBI that the plan was to embarrass the Kennedy brothers. (I'd say that they either wanted to, or did, blackmail the brothers with pictures and recordings of the parties.) Apparently, the "trusted" informant said the Mafia wanted to destroy Robert Kennedy due to his war on organized crime when he was U.S. Attorney General, 1961 - 1964 (according to the declassified documents).
I, myself, don't think that pictures of John, Robert and Edward with beautiful bombshells like Marilyn Monroe and others, would ruin them. Everyone knows that it was rare for a Kennedy man to be faithful so I don't believe one bit that their wifes never knew if their husbands were cheating or not. Back then, the women mostly looked over it due to press, political, and family. They were expected to stand by their man, no matter what. The Kennedy's were famous! A divorce could of rocked their role in politics, back then. So maybe that was it. They wanted so much proof that the Kennedy women couldn't take it anymore and left anyways. I don't, we will never know the truth, but we can still question and wonder.... can't we?
John and Jackie Kennedy
The tip wasn't told until July 1965, which is almost 2 years after John F Kennedy's death. It is said that the FBI didn't investigate the tip due to not enough proof. (The question running through my brain is : Why wait so late to tell the agents if you knew about this the whole time and was talking to the FBI anyways? Maybe the informant wasn't an informant when the plans were made but still...!)
 The file popped up in the FBI's Milwaukee office along with a memo reading : 
'It was reported that Mrs Jacqueline Hammond, age 40, has considerable information concerning sex parties,' Mrs Hammond, said to have been divorced from her husband, who was a former U.S. Ambassador, and also allegedly kept a room at The Carlyle Hotel.
Even though  she was described as "credible" , the FBI didn't think that the information about the extortion attempt was detailed enough to launch an investigation. The documents were part of collection of over 2,000 FBI documents in Edward Kennedy's file. (Mainly a bunch of death threats)
Noone looked into the "Sex Party rumors". That's pretty much where the story ends.... With Rumors. But I have to say that I still believe that they had to be something else going on at these parties if this was the work of the Mafia.

John, Robert and Edward Kennedy

The Carlyle Hotel in the 1960's
The Carlyle Hotel in Manhattan, where the parties are said to be held.
John F Kennedy and Jackie Kennedy leaving The Carlyle Hotel.The facade looks a bit different in the photo above due to the hotel having an awning put up for the Kennedy visit.
 The Caryle Hotel now ~ 2012
The Exterior - 2012

The Entrance
The Lobby
The Lobby Sitting Area

The Carlyle Restaurant

There are lots of rumors of tunnels under The Carlyle, use to enter and exit the hotel without being seen by other guests and the press. It's said that JFK slipped Marilyn Monroe into his suite using these tunnels. None are in any of the photos, of course.

Marilyn Monroe, Frank Sinatra and Peter Lawford

*Blog Written By ~ Autumn Banks*
..::I'm a stay at home mom who loves DIY projects, finding freebies and playing with my gurlie gurls. I have a secret obsession with anything history that not many people know about. I try to stay out of politics along with anything causing trouble but sometimes, randomly, find myself in the middle of some stupid argument::..

*I hope you like my post on the alleged Sex Parties, Comment all you like and please share if you enjoyed what you read. Have a wonderful day!*